Pools Win
EVERY WEEK - WEEK OUT AND WEEK IN
SAM FILLED IN LITTLEWOODS POOLS
THINKIN' OF TH'OLIDAY THEY COULD HAVE IF HE WON
AYE HE MIGHT EVEN BUY T’WIFE SOME JEWELS
ON SATURDAY NIGHTS ALL WERE QUIET AT SAM'S
WHILE HE CHECKED TO SEE IF HE HAD EIGHT DRAWS
AND HIS WIFE DIDN'T DARE SPEAK CAUSE SAM WANTED HUSH
AND T' DOG DIDN'T DARE WALK ON IT'S PAWS
IT WERE SATURDAY APRIL THE FIRST SO IT WERE
AND SAM HE WERE GLUED TO THE TELLY
AND PRESTON-NORTH-END HAD HELD SPURS TO A DRAW
SAM'S LEGS SUDDENLY TURNED INTO JELLY
FOR THAT WERE THE ONE AS HE NEEDED
AND HE COUNTED 'EM OVER AGAIN
IT WERE EIGHT DRAWS HE'D GOT SO HE MUST 'AV WON T' POT
AND HE DANCED ROUND T'BACK YARD IN THE RAIN
THE FOLLOWING THURSDAY HE WAITED
AND IN HIS BEST BIB AND TUCKER WERE TENSE
AS T’MAN SAID TWO 'UNDRED AND SIXTY SIX THOUSAND
AND ANOTHER SIXTY SIX PENCE
SAM STARTED PLANNING 'IS 'OLIDAY
TO PARIS HE THOUGHT HE'D TAKE T'WIFE
THEY'D SPEND A FEW QUID ON SOME NEW TOGS FOR T'KIDS
AND 'AVE TH'OLIDAY TIME OF THEIR LIFE
SO THEY LOADED UP T'CAR AND SET OFF FOR THE COAST
BUT BEFORE THEY'D GOT OUT OF TOWN
SAM REMEMBERED ON T' CONTINENT THEY DROVE OVER ON T' RIGHT
SO 'EED PRACTISE IT ON T' WAY DOWN
ALL DOWN THE M6 AND RIGHT UP THE M1
SAM DROVE AS IF FROZE IN A TRANCE
WI' CARS COMIN' AT 'IM FROM ALL SIDES O' ROAD
EE THEY MUST BE A MAD LOT IN FRANCE
SAILIN' O'ER T'CHANNEL LATER THAT NIGHT
THEY WERE SAT THERE JUST MINDIN' THEIR MANNERS
AND WHEN SAM LIT HIS PIPE UP WI' NEW FIVE POUND NOTES
HIS WIFE STOPPED HIM SAYING NAY LAD! - USE TENNERS
THEY ARRIVED IN CALAIS ABOUT HALF PAST SIX
AND PROCEEDED THROUGH CUSTOMS AND SUCH
SAM DECIDED THEY MUST BE IN HOLLAND
'COS EVERYONE SPOKE DOUBLE DUTCH
WELL AFTER TWO WEEKS THEY'D SEEN EVERYTHING
TH' CHAMPS ÉLYSÉES AND TH' EIFFEL TOWER
SAM WERE BORED AND HANKERIN' FOR MEAT PIE AND PEAS
HIS TASTE FOR THINGS FOREIGN TURNED SOUR
HE LOOKED BACK WI' A SMILE TO THAT NIGHT IN THE CAFF'
WHEN HE ASKED T’WAITER IF HE'D GOT FROGS LEGS
AND IFFEN HE 'AD WOULD HE JUMP OVER T'COUNTER
AND GET HIM SOME BACON AND EGGS
WHEN THEY SET OFF FOR HOME SAM THOUGHT THEY'D SPENT UP
SO IN T' WIFE'S HANDBAG HE TOOK A PEEK
NO! - THEY'D STILL GOT TWO 'UNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE THOU'
THEY MIGHT HAVE TO COME BACK NEXT WEEK!
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